A Father’s Day Double Gift

Recently, I picked up a wonderful journal about fatherhood by Bob Allen Kroll. I’ve known Bob for some time now, and when I heard that he had finished the book, I knew I had to give it a look.

The book, Dad, I Wanna Know You Better: A Father’s Journal of Love to His Child, is a delightful and thought-provoking spiritual exercise for any father. It’s designed for a child to give to his or her father, so that he can fill it with memories, insights, and advice and pass the journal back to his child as a beautiful keepsake for years to come. I’ve seen similar journals online, with similar topics and questions; but Bob’s book is quite unique.

When I first began to look through the journal, I saw some of the same types of prompts I’ve seen in other journals. But as I continued exploring the pages, I noticed a deeper influence to the journal that raises this little paper memento to a level beyond the exchange of information. The questions are arranged in such a way that the father is taken on his own journey of spiritual exploration. Though they come across as light-hearted, they really lead the dad-author to a place where the memories take on new meaning as they are shared with the child. The father knows that he’s not just imparting details or fun memories, but he’s passing on a lifetime of learning and growth, all through success and failure, laughter and tears, with the child he has brought into the world, the child who will be continuing this legacy of love in his or her life.

Bob takes these ordinary questions and frames them in the context of his ministry of healing. You see, Bob Allen Kroll is also the author of The Father Wound…And Beyond, a deeply insightful look into the ways in which our fathers can wound us through their words and actions – or lack thereof. In the book, Bob shares his own story of wounding at the hands of his earthly father, and the healing he found in the arms of his heavenly Father. The book is a journey through Scripture and Church teaching about the brokenness of fatherhood brought on by Original Sin that was healed by the Son of God at the cross. It shows us how, just as our identity, expectations, and actions can be shaped by our woundedness, so too can our souls be healed, restored, and strengthened by the beauty of forgiveness.

This is what makes Dad, I Wanna Know You Better different. Bob takes the concept of recasting our story through forgiveness and grace, and translates that dynamic into this journey of questions, helping the dad-author to find his own healing in the transformative joy of sharing himself with his child. The book begins with the basics – the details of birth, childhood, and growing into manhood, and all that entails. While, on the surface, the questions would seem to call for pleasant and peaceful answers (there is certainly a lot of fun built into them), it none-the-less allows for honest and open sharing of the mistakes, gaffs, and goof-ups, and the not-so-pleasant experiences – the good, the bad, and the ugly – in other words, the picture of the real, human, and flawed-but-wonderfully-made father who has brought up this child, and the man who hopes to pass on his wisdom and the grace that brought him through the days of his life.

Don’t get me wrong. I found the book to be a very joyful and personal endeavor. I certainly enjoyed answering the questions, reflecting on the reality of my youth, my beautiful bride, my heritage, and my experiences; but I found myself quietly, soberly, and solemnly taking stock of my life and carefully considering the words I wanted to share in the end. And that is the double-gifting sense of this book. It didn’t just ask me to fill out a form; it challenged me to reveal myself as I really am – a dad who has made lots of silly and serious mistakes, a dad who grew and matured through it all, and mostly, a dad who can look back on his life and see the grace of God at work all throughout the journey of trials and triumphs, right into the blessed days to come.

What works very well with the book is that Bob moves through the topics with the same grace that allowed him to author his Father Wound book. I especially liked that after exploring my history, the second part of the book moved gently into the spiritual, asking questions about my faith and the journey along the narrow road. It’s that challenging exploration that shaped how I answered the final section on fatherly advice before closing with some good old-fashioned fun and a section that allowed me the freedom to finish off this sacred story with the thoughts that shaped my own heart in the journey of writing the journal.

While the book is meant to be purchased by the son or daughter and given to the father to complete, it wouldn’t be a bad idea for a dad to buy it for himself, fill it out, and pass it to his child as a gracious gift.

This Father’s Day (and isn’t every day Father’s Day, since fatherhood is such an awesome gift and incredible responsibility), why not consider this wonderful “double gift” gift – for you and your children. I know you’ll be as moved, as transformed, and as joyful in the end, as I was. Peace.